the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
