Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
