I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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