How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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