i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
