On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
