I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
