If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
