So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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