some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
