Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
