i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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