turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
