my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
