so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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