his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
