You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
