Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the day after is always just damage control
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
