last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize