my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
