life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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