...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
