not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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