girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
