Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize