3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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