i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im six kinds of drunk right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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