We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
