hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
