Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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