if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
