He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize