God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
