i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
