I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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