Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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