I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
