Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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