Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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