Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
