I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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