Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
