It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
