Swine flu. Run for my life!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
