she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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