Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
