I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
