I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
