This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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