Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
