I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
