Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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