Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
