honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
