I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
