So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
