just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
