is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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