I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
