who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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