you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
