elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
