We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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