oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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