I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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