Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
