And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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