the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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