Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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