i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
