Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
