It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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