Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
