I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
