The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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